KLSCM 2023: A Coach, A Pacer and A Runner (Too long, you might as well go for your LSD than reading this)

I have been thinking if I should even write this report, and if I do, should I just make a Facebook post and get over with a short version? Then I thought, I may not have this experience to share again, I certainly do not wish to have the same experience again, it was too painful. I guess I will write this like a diary for myself, a year or some years later when I look back, I will be reminded again how I live through these. Or maybe some time or years later when I need courage, I can look back at here.

BE A COACH

Flash back to 11 months ago I recalled having the lunch and conversation with David from Dirigo after the live tour on KLSCM 2022 route, we ended the session with him saying look forward to work together on bigger project in 2023. Karsten and I were hired to take care of some of the running clinics sessions in 2022, following the topics and format that were already set by the Mark. It was a fun project for me though we still need to deliver it professionally. I have had in the past thought of "if I am running the clinics, I would do this and that instead..." So when David said that, plus my own suspicion and wild guess, maybe 2023 will see a change.

It didn't take long for Dirigo to be in touch again, 3 months later, I got a call and the purpose of the call was to invite myself and Karsten to run the whole show for KLSCM 2023 Running clinics. "Oh wow" was what I thought, it is happening for real. 10 years ago I was doing my role as pacer for the 1st time, I listened to every word that Mark said and didn't want to miss any tips and information that he shared, there was a time I imagined one day I want to be able to share and guide others to be better, I did spend a lot more time and effort on learning the formal knowledge and facts.

But was I ready? Am I enough? Will I screw up? Will my style fit? What if someone did poorly? I have these questions and doubts.

I am glad Karsten agreed to take on the task with me, he has great experience and knowledge that would complement if not cover the gap that I have. So we both embark on the journey together for KLSCM 2023. We discussed and designed the topics of the clinics and split roles on leading each of the sessions, also added some personal flavor to it.

The next biggest challenge I had was, I was still planning to be pacer this year and I was still active in doing races, in other words, a great number of Sundays, important Sundays for long distance races or training will need to be sacrificed. On top of that, I needed to make sure I do not need to travel in the morning on Sunday to oversea for work.

By the time we confirmed the clinics schedule for launching, the pacer application was calling. I actually thought of doing an easier role this year to go for 4:30 hours, I can then worry less about training quality and really I have nothing I need to prove with 4:00 hours. One person convinced me that I should still go for 4:00 hours. I figured with the long races ending in March, I might have some time to bring back the tempo and make it for the assessment. 

Throughout the 3 months journey as Coach, I learnt a lot more about myself, my area of improvement, and made greater connections with runners (mostly newbies, 1st time attempting the distance they signed up for). I also ended up with too many personal messages (on injuries, on training, on race target, on anything about running) that took up quite a fair bit of personal time to reply. I took a leap step to offer to have a chat group with 5 runners who are doing KLSCM 21/42 for the 1st time, I ended up having 22 in the group, I am honored to be trusted and happy that I am able to help in any little way to make their 1st time experience in KLSCM 21/42KM less painful.

THE INJURY

I had to miss the 1st running clinic due to prior commitment to pace for Borneo Marathon, little that I knew that it was the last time I ever run a comfortable 4 hours marathon. Pacer assessment came, I passed, then my last ultra event happened on the day before the 2nd KLSCM running clinic. I had a left ankle sprain early into the race but I made the (bad) decision to carry on for the next 42KM and completed the race. 

It was just another ankle twist, I thought. Little that I know that it was way more severe than it looked. 3.5 months away from KLSCM, I thought I would have enough time to heal and start my training again, plan should carry on. 4 weeks passed, I still feel the disturbing pain whenever I try to do anything heavy load, I couldn't restart my training though I still did some slow runs. It had to come to a point where I decided to take a closer look at the injury, getting a MRI scan done 2 weeks after. 4 ankle ligaments partial tears were found, doctor advised me to 1st start with physiotherapy before considering anything more extreme.

So I was back to Apple Physio again after years. Time started to look tight for me, 2 months from KLSCM, if I take 1 months for recovery and strengthening, that leaves me with 1 month to get ready as pacer. I took my physiotherapy more seriously and more frequently, spending every available time and space to strengthen my ankle and muscles while training was not possible. 2 weeks later, I was feeling stronger and wanted to know how bad shape I was, I went ahead to start off Score Marathon which was a heavy punch to my face.

It was a disaster; The plan was (on my guestimation) to complete in 5 hours on as easy pace as possible (don't ask where I get the idea I could do 7 mins pace, I don't make right decision all the time). I could barely keep up with 5 hours pacer and after halfway I started to fade away with slower pace when pain started to kick in on my ankle and eventually finished the race in 5:30 hours. The last time I had such timing... too long ago, it was after a 5KM and a 10KM races followed by a 42KM on humid condition. Since then I minimized all kinds of running and went really easy slow pace jog when I had to run.

The pain was real, I just made it more dramatic

But I was recovering, 4 weeks later as the KLSCM clinics came to an end, I was finally able to crawl back to 6:09 min pace for 21KM, not ideal, but at least I was back into stronger run and I could feel much lesser pain, very bearable and very likely I can push the pace faster. 3 weeks to go till KLSCM.

However, my situation turned from highly hopeful to totally devastated in just 24 hours. I was conducting a running clinic in Malacca to support the local running community, while I was walking down the stairs in the middle of my talk, the final step on my left foot became the hardest thing I would imagine and also my biggest nightmare even now.

My left foot landed with a sudden weakness and what followed was a bizarre high ankle twist. The pain was excruciating, I sat down and kept my cool but in my mind I shouted "fck, how did that happen? I will not be able to recover from this on time for KLSCM, let alone training to get ready for it". 

As I returned to my hotel later, I notice the swelling was growing fast and immediately limiting my ankle movement. I had to get to nearest pharmacy store to get bandage for my ankle before the swelling got out of hand. Everything I had done for recovery, every physiotherapy session, every strengthening workout, every pacing strategy, every hope I had about being able to run in a month's time, were totally out of the window. I 1st inform Rainer about my condition and the 99% likelihood of not starting the race. The 2nd hardest thing was to inform the pacer team about my highly likely withdrawal.  

Lifting leg to relieve the swollen ankle

I didn't want the starting lineup to have only 2 pacers for 4:00 hours, one is having more experience as last year's pacer, another is new to the team. I am worried for them, but don't get me wrong, both of them are in much better shape than I do this year, having run sub 3:40 hours in their most recent 42KM, they are fit and ready. My worry was more psychological than physical. Having one less pacer means both of them have to share the load, and if one drops out for whatever reason, the remaining one guy is going to be very pressured. I know that for a fact because it happened to me back in 2019. But I am not in the right condition to prevent this from happening, we don't replace pacer.

Bruises at the area below ankle

The 1st thing I did was to get back to physiotherapy to see what else can be done (silly I know, I should have gotten a scan to check out the damage 1st). With that level of swelling, I would need to wait. I was home-bound for the week, yet I was scheduled to fly to Manila the following week.

The other issue I needed to face came from social media, as the freak fall happened during the clinic, it was somehow captured in video recording plus photos, it didn't take long before some friends found out and I started to get messages, all of them were concerns and wishing me speedy recovery, followed by the hardest questions to answer: so how about KLSCM ? are you still pacing? is there going to be a replacement? and many other similar questions. I sincerely feel sorry for not replying some of the questions or avoiding them, because I did not have the answer. 

I needed time to calm down, get more information on how bad my injury was, what was possible, what can I do, what other options do I have, what could be the worst scenario beyond KLSCM, there were a lot for me to consume. Again, 1st thing 1st, get out of the swollen ankle.

No one knew I got into this position because my ankle was in pain, I needed to lean on the table.

I started to flex my ankle a bit and perform manual massage to drain the fluid accumulated at my foot, lifting my foot at sleep to reduce the swelling throughout the night. Active recovery is what I aimed at, sitting around does not help. Curious about how it happened, I asked for a copy of the video capturing the moment I fell. It was the hardest thing to watch, I still have no clue how it happened although some said the floor was uneven. I now have a bigger problem, I can't shake the images from my mind, I would keep thinking about it and I would fear any step I make next would result in the same twist again.

As the Manila trip approaches, which I knew I will have a lot of walking and climbing stairs, I needed to be sure about my injury, I went to AnE asked for MRI but ended up with an X-ray, not ideal but at least there was no broken bone, some tissues tear was causing the swelling. The AnE doctor put me on 3 days MC but I did not have the luxury for that. Work must go on, and I must face my fear.

I spoke about options, one of which was supplements to accelerate healing and plaster/medications to reduce swelling. So I got some of them on my shopping list on day 1, putting myself on double dose. Although I was prescribed with painkiller by the doctor, I did not take any of them, I wanted to feel that pain to know how was I doing and I made peace with pain long time ago that I can carry them.

Swollen swollen swollen

I became extremely sensitive to stairs or any uneven ground, a slope, a few steps higher ground, became clear in my vision, I constantly scan for them and watch where I walk. There were a lot of stairs in this trip. Funny enough, I needed to walk from one building to another separated by bridges...

Finally, the 1st piece of good news on Day 10 of the new injury, I woke up with much reduced swelling, one that I can finally see the tendons of my foot, one that did not get worse after a full day of walking and climbing up/down of stairs. I was able to perform more sets of physio routine and strengthening exercises with much less pain. I was so excited about this, for the 1st time in 10 days, a new option came to my plan, "maybe I can still recover on time?" I knew I was being overly optimistic because reduced swelling did not mean I can run, I can certainly walk better, but I need to learn to walk properly again 1st.

After returning home, I 1st (again) went to physio to assess my ankle, things are looking better but I am not out of the wood. I decided to go for a test run to assess my pain level, at least if the run turns out bad, I can end early and crossing out some options on my list.

Can't tell you how nervous I was with this run, heart rate was high but the pain level was within 4-5 of 10, and I could hold the pace at 6:30 mins/km, then it got better, faster, hovering at 6 mins pace, fearing of the pain might get worse, I hold the pace, the aim was to complete a half marathon, the same distance I did before, 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks after the bad fall, 1 week before KLSCM, 21.1KM, 2:07:30 timing, average pace 6:02 mins.

Something must have worked. I needed to think, I needed to know what went well and can be better, because I was doing better than 2 weeks ago. It became clearer to me that "Maybe, just Maybe IF I push harder and recover better, I could at least do half distance on pace for a sub4 marathon". But I must not get too excited, moving at 5:35-5:40 mins pace is whole lot different than cruising at 6 mins pace.

I needed to engage my ankle flexion more, I haven't, I couldn't, I dare not. Which explains why my muscles suffer much more soreness after the run, more on the right foot because I compensated the run with right foot. This is not good, right foot will get tired faster and injury may follow, I need to consciously shift my balancing. Could I do more plantar flexion for smoother run? Have I strengthened my ankle enough for the landing? I need answers, more like, I need to test it out.

2.5 days later, Tuesday, I went for 2nd run in the evening, target distance remained the same, this time, to push the pace, there were 2 end points to be met, 1st, sub2 half marathon, 2nd, pain level must not escalate beyond 6/10. My heart rate was out of control, but it was not my KPI, my focus went 100% on foot landing, left right balances, keeping the pace, watching the road conditions, feeling the pain level, a lot going on as if I was learning to drive car the 1st time, checking out everything at the same time making sure I don't crash the car but I can't drive slower. Now I sounded like Keave in the movie Speed.

The run did not go smooth as I wished, my right foot started to feel tired after 15KM, maybe I haven't recovered fully from the 1st run, maybe the pace was too much to be carried by this foot after so many months I did not run fast. But everything else was looking fine, maybe heart rate was bad but who cares about heart care? If I could hold it a little longer maybe I can make it, I have some buffer time that may allow me to slow down a little to ease the soreness. I had to, I must, I can, I been here before, I know I can handle this. At the end of 21KM, time: 1:59:51, pace: 5:41 mins/km. Pain level 5/10. Heart rate: still beating. Technically, 4 days before KLSCM. 100 hours count down.

"I will start on Sunday" That's the message I sent to the team the next morning. 

But I might have to drop after halfway, given that I had to push to get a sub2 half marathon, I don't know what other magic I have to think about the full distance on pace, I probably can slow down to complete the distance, but I still don't think I can stay on pace for 42KM. 

I need more testing and I need a better plan, where else can I improve to prolong my survival and stay on pace? Nutrition. I need to tweak my plan and to myself sustain the pace longer and endure the soreness better, possibly prevent any cramp, blister or even new injury. I cannot have pain level at my ankle to escalate at any time. 

So I need more calories, better electrolytes replenishment, shorter stride at run, more frequent hydration, include walk and stretching and last thing, that one thing I refuse to take even on most painful day, a painkiller. The deal is, If I make it to 20KM and my assessment tells me I can carry on, I will take it. 

The goal is to stretch myself till 25KM, which was after the steepest climb in the race to enter DUKE highway. I think that would be as far as I could go, I yet to know if all my new plan may work, there are too many turns in the 1st 14KM of KLSCM route, I 1st need to survive the crowd rush and the road condition to make my way safely to AKLEH. Making my way to 25 then figure out how to get to 30 and then 35, I told myself, nothing more, I do not have any plan beyond 35 (in fact, I don't have a clear plan between 25-35 either..), because it was mathematically and physiologically impossible to make pace this long. I have 280KM in total training distance in 3 months, with injury, who does a sub4 marathon with this training mileage plus injury?

Thursday was a public holiday, I took the chance to do an easy run and a 10K on Saturday at much more easier pace, more like to make myself feel more ready than I could. 1 day before KLSCM.

BE THE PACER 

Everything was the usual business of getting to the race site early, get myself ready and head to the information booth where all pacer balloons are. It was a mixed feeling staring at the balloons from distance, I have been repeating this since 2013, for the 1st time I have to start the race knowing I would let go of the balloon sooner or later. But I have more than a pacer job to do, I need to brief the team and may give some motivational speech, ah crap... but hey, 3 weeks ago I would ever think I will be here to start the race, here I am, at least going for half the distance, that is already a great achievement. It is more than enough, I thought.

We did the usual thing, helping each other to put on the pacer bib, passing balloons and started taking selfies/wefies/photos. Time passed really fast or maybe my mind just could not register anything, I don't even remember what I said to the pacers, it was just moments happening here and there then I finally regain being present while I walking to the starting Pen. I had to admit I brought the team to the longer way to enter the Pen because I had the sudden fear to cross the bridge to the other side, I don't know why I just suddenly decided this was the bad way to take.

Pacers briefing, honestly, I was too worried about myself I forgot half the shit I was supposed to say.

Nevertheless, we arrived at the starting Pen 1 after a long detour, just a couple of minutes from flag off. I did final check on my legs, ankle seems good, no muscle soreness, everything seems to be heading the right direction. I will know more as soon as I start the run. Within minutes, we were flagged off.

The 1st check point for me was the starting pace, if I launch myself into the right pace, there is high chance I will be on pace without manually pushing for it. Good news, I was on pace. I was going at about 5:35min/km, stride length was ok, cadence was ok, the crowd was huge but there was no one getting in front of me or crossing to block my view. I can now focus on the ground, spotting any uneven surface or threats to my foot. After the 1st big turn, I noticed I was leading the 4hrs pack, while I was asking in my mind where are my teammates, I dare not turn my head to check, I was guessing they must be just slightly behind me. There was nothing I would do, I told myself to just stay focus on the 1st 1/3 of the route, stay focused on the route and pay attention to my body condition till I get to AKLEH.

The 1st 8KM were spot on for pace and distance vs marker, then suddenly my watch GPS was behind distance vs marker for 200 meters, but it was OK, I will manage. Along the Jalan Ampang passing KLCC I was already taking the 1st pack of gel, the strategy was to consume more calories and make the frequency higher, minimizing early-stage muscles fatigue and energy dropping like it did when I tested on 21KM few days ago. 

I met Jeff on the way heading to Jetalek, as soon as we turned into Jelatek and entered AKLEH soon after, 14KM mark was in sight, I managed to clear the 1st 1/3 of the race, on pace, ankle pain level was within 4/10, muscle fatigue is accumulating but I felt much better than the Tuesday test. Next up, making to the 17KM U-turn and surviving the gradual climb right after, try my very best to keep the pace till halfway.

With much relief after making it this far, on clear path I can now divert some attention to check how are we doing on timing, we were about 1.5 mins ahead of time, everything seems good. But I started to feel a bit uneasy on the ankle and quad muscles, was it the climb? did I push too hard subconsciously? will I make it halfway without further damage? I started to have questions to myself, more like doubts.

I had to execute my plan earlier with the only painkiller I brought, but I waited till 20KM to take it. Everything seems bearable, although I can feel energy started to fade, I just need to hang in there for a couple more minutes till mid-point is crossed. Painkiller didn't kick in, I forgot it will take longer to take effect, I should have taken it much earlier like after 17.4KM U-turn, silly mistake. Halfway point was crossed at 1:58:54, however, I was expecting a midpoint marker with timing mat, not sure why I thought there should be one. Based on the 21KM timing, I was actually reaching 21.1KM at around 1:59:30. This must have been the smallest buffer I ever achieved in 4 hours pacing.

I didn't have time to worry about that anymore, but I am glad I did it, the 1st milestone on pacing was done, now I am entering a distance zone (and pace) which I have not reached for the past 4 months. I have consumed 3 packs of gels so far, the most I ever taken in any FM, I should, and I did but I still feel my energy level draining fast. I started to feel some soreness on my right foot, was it psychological or was it real? Having too many thoughts at the same time. Before I knew it, I was already at 23KM exiting AKLEH, soon after, I saw Choi's Smile Station that supported many runners who started to face problems.

The moment I saw Choi, a great mentor at the early days of my running, the guy who sold me my 1st pair of Kinvara 1 which I continued to wear till Kinvara 13 (owning a Kinvara 14 but yet to run in due to injury), I was reminded of a quote from him many years back: "Can you endure?"

For many years I never look back at this quote, but on this day, it resonates with me, Can I? I can, I should, I want to and I will. I felt so much boosted by this quote, I knew I will definitely reach 25KM mark, it was just another KM to go, I could almost see the slope ahead. I just needed to practise what I teach, maintain the same effort, keep the cadence, reduce the stride length, watch out for extra stress on the muscles, breath more frequently, keep it longer and deep, hang in there and this climb shall pass.

Eventually I passed the climb, entering the famous DUKE highway. My legs felt much heavier now, I knew I needed to take the next KM easy to prevent further soreness and pain. It's OK, next up is a downhill, I can make it, I just need to take this next KM easy, I have reached as far as I preached I would, I can let go the balloon now. I just needed to make sure my teammates are taking over, as soon as I had this thought and I turned my head, I saw John just right behind me, I was glad, I was blessed, someone finally take over the lead. For now, let me catch some breath and decide what's next, I had not had a clear plan for the next 10KM, I will decide when I reach here and assess.

While making my way to 26KM, I knew hi5 gel station was not far away, I could take my final gel there and collect one for my consumption at 32/33 and collect another there. Let's do it, it looked like a downhill route now, and I can feel the painkiller slowly taking its effect (could be placebo effect too). The soreness had reduced, I hardly feel any pain on my ankle, what really bothered me was energy level, I felt as if I was scratching the bottom of the tank waiting to refill soon. I started to feel the heart rate spiking, a glance at the watch confirmed my guess, 178 bpm usually got me feeling it.

But it was not the end yet, I have yet to be passed by another teammate, I still have John within sight, I did not fall back as much as I thought I would. If I could cruise, if I regain my focus, I might just be able to drag myself till the end of the DUKE stretch. But 1st, smaller target, collect my gel and get to 28KM, that would be another celebration, 2/3 of the route cleared, maybe on pace or slightly behind? I can't think that well anymore, but let's just get there. 

With smaller target, I felt much better, and I kept telling myself, even if I release balloon at this point, it should be fine. But the next moment I told myself No it is not fine! I am still on track, I should still give it all, I didn't have serious cramp, I did not bonk, I still have energy gel although I am hitting the bottom, the ankle felt alright, apart from the heart rate which was keeping me worry and out of breath, I am FINE! (ya, I was talking to myself, there were two of me talking...)

"LET'S JUST WAIT FOR THE OTHER PACER TO PASS ME BEFORE I EVER CONSIDER SURRENDERING AGAIN!"

That's good, at least now I focus out, until I become the last pacer, I won't have any second thought about quitting, I stopped by medics to get the Tiger balm, spread them all over my both quads, getting that sensation in to distract myself on any soreness. The painkiller seems to be kicking in full force now (I read the label later to confirm 3 hrs needed to reach its full effect,,,argh..) Maybe right on time for now, just when I needed it the most, only if it kicked in earlier when I was at 23KM.

The tiger balm's numbing and cooling effect was good, at least something to make my legs feel different. I still have John's balloon in sight, he and the running pack were about 1min-1:30mins away, anyone who kept up with me I have sincerely advised them to try to keep up with the front pack if they have energy but do not push it. I had to be honest I maybe running at very little time buffer, I can't calculate so well. 

Rolling hills were doing me a good favor as I could engage different muscles set and use downhill to recover a fair bit while focusing on getting over the slope rather than pushing to keep up. I drew myself slightly away from the main route to avoid getting affected by runners slowing down, I can hear there were some runners still trailing behind, not as a pack like the front, just loosely. I recalled it was the same situation last year, Alvin was slightly ahead with bigger pack, the slower pack and those who slowed down from their attempt to do much better timing than 4:00 hrs will fade into following me, with Gene not far from behind. The next 2-3KM passed without much "accident."

At around 32KM, fatigue started creeping in, my heart rate was spiking above 180 bpm, I started to consider at which red line I should pull the plug, it was getting more and more uncomfortable to run and keep the green balloon in front in sight. Why hasn't Gene passed me? Deep down I was hoping that he passed me in the next moment then I can finally bid farewell, while another voice was telling me "It is perfectly normal to hit this wall now, you lack training, and this has always been the spot where even those with training suffer too." 

I looked to the roadside, I saw runners who struggled, some stopped by the roadside easing their cramp, catching their breathe, doing whatever they could to stand on the course. I had seen these faces and scene too many times, been there myself recently at the Score Marathon, with much more pain at the left ankle. At least the painkiller is working, I felt very little pain at the ankle, I had bigger problem with heart rate, lack of oxygen and I think pretty soon my old friend Mr. Cramp is going to catch me. I was blessed with water station and next supply of hi5 gel at 33KM, I took some time to walk while signaling whoever close to me to go ahead, I didn't know if they care, I was in this mood of "pls leave me alone", I needed sometime before I started to run again.

Notice how the stamina dipped to the bottom around 2:30 hours which was about 25KM mark

As I started to move my feet again, I suddenly had this voice of "I want to get to 35KM no matter what, just let me finish this part of the race, I will collect the wrist band then I will walk, it's just another 2KM." The new target got me alive again, despite having heart rate hovering above 180 bpm, I breathed harder, keeping it deep and long, I looked up the sky and I saw the moon still hanging there while the sky getting brighter, for no reason I uttered "please lend me some strength." I thought of Tracy McGrady, the NBA player who was described as "the man who borrowed 35 seconds from God" and scored 13 points. Well, I needed more than 35s, I needed like maybe 45 minutes, I then smiled, silly. But I was closer to 35KM with each silly conversation I had with myself and...maybe the sky? The toll gate was in sight, and soon I can see the green balloon in front was slowly making a left turn to Jalan Kuching.

That was it, I thought my journey should have ended here, I took a final look to my back, I saw no green balloon. "fcuk!" was the exact single word popped up in my mind. I had zero buffer, and I didn't see Gene, as I passed the check point to collect the wrist band, I started to make plan.

THE RUNNER IN ME

35KM, 7 to go, running down to Jalan Kuching, 40 minutes give or take, I still had one pack of gel, my heart rate felt better with downhill, weather was not hot, John was still in sight, 150-200 meters away max. Anything can happen in this final stretch, what if he has cramp later? Didn't you think you are still able to follow because he is tired too? There might be some still trailing behind not far away and they need a balloon to keep them focused.

The dialogue appeared: "Look, Mr. Lim, a day ago you didn't think you would make this far, you won't believe if someone saying they would, but you are here now, no cramp, not yet, not behind target, at least still within the 1-minute allowance. What's possible?"

"I CAN DO THIS" I replied. I actually said it out.

No one stops at 41KM, even if I have to stop at 41KM, so be it, I will walk. So I had only 6KM to grind. "Breathe and stride, breathe and stride, go deep, go easy, get to the next water station, take the gel and get yourself stretched up." I told myself.

From this point forward, I can't recall which KM was the next station, I don't remember what happened there, I forgot if I ever did take the gel (I certainly did, I just don't remember doing it), I only knew I needed the time alone. At this point I was no longer a pacer; I was only a runner trying to keep the time I set out to meet. I ran wide right in the middle of the road, I saw a guy in red (whatever, shirt or pant, but color was red) running on the right side of the road, I heard the siren of ambulance passing between us. The road was very wide, I didn't understand why people run only on the left side, keeping to the side where the route turn slightly to the right would save a few steps, no? 

I passed under the roundabout which in the past we needed to exit left to turn right to the killer Bukit Tunku hill at about 34KM and we will see people fading at 36KM then we caught new group of runners to bring home to the finishing, usually there will be some support stations set up by family and friends of runners to cheer them, they too provided some extra drinks and spray, ya I recalled one year I met Jeff here, in his pink bathrobe too, ya, we did that in the past but now we just cruise under and head straight. I don't know why these memories suddenly served me so very well now, but they just appeared and kept me distracted.

I saw PWTC on the left side, then I saw John's pack still ahead, but wait, I was catching up with them? They had never been this near, 100 meters maybe? I don't know, the balloon looked bigger, but wait, I can't see them anymore because there were so many people joining us from the left. I needed to avoid them, I can't lose my momentum now or I may get cramp in any moment, not good, my heart rate must have spiked again, it was so painful to carry on. Then I saw 19KM sign board, people were blocking it but I saw it, I know this, 19KM means what? it means 40KM for FM right? I am already this close to 41KM now?

I felt like I was just breathing machine with legs now, just let me stick to the right side of the road, if I ever need to stop or cramp or anything, the grass seems like a better place to fall, but there were too many people, the path got narrower than ever, people are making so much noise, who is this lady coming so close to me and talking too loud? (Later I recalled she was Grace Tan, WTH....) I had to move away from her, so I subconsciously swayed to the left.

That's the bridge, runners are walking, I just have to cross that bridge and then everything will be OK, how much time do I have now? But this is too tough, I can't hold, let me just walk a bit, just 20 steps, maybe 30 steps, just let me cross this bridge I will make up the time after.

20KM sign board, I am close, very close, I should try harder, if I see the 41KM board I should push now, I can still make it! Oh my god this is like doing intervals of 200 meters with no rest between laps, I just go from lap to lap without stop. And that's the U-turn, OMG I am finally at the U-turn, I have to handle it carefully, let's not take a sharp turn, make it wider. 

Who is this lady in front of me? Silly Trina, told her not to run too fast at the beginning but she passed me and left me too early in the run, don't you quit on this last 500 meters, let me catch up and let me run ahead and you follow!

The finishing arch was just ahead not far but the clock already showing 4:00:01. It's Okay, I am running, I am in pain, but I am finally finishing, I can finally rest, I am finally finishing, this is finally the end.

All out, nothing left.

For the 1st time I lied down after a marathon

Ankle started to get swollen again, quickly put on cooling gel over it

Note: It took me a week to put together memories I lost during the final 17KM of the race especially after 35KM, I have to trace back piece by piece to stitch them together, some sequences may not connect well, and I still think I am missing some part of them, not remembering what I saw and who I spoke etc. It was a bad race as a pacer for me, although a 1:59/2:01 splits were good, but I did not speak to runners as much as I should, no sharing of tips on how to handle section to section, certainly without the final few KMs cheering and shouting to keep them going, the best thing I could do and have done, was to stay on course, letting the balloon to be the beacon of direction as it was for me in the past.

I still won't encourage/ recommend/ suggest/ advise/ agree anyone should start a race with injury, I am a bad example, things could have turned worse, so don't do this ever. As I am writing, I am still recovering from the ankle injury, some swelling still there, just because the race is over, doesn't mean the wound suddenly healed. 

From the bottom of my heart, I thank Dirigo Events to trust me with their newbie runners signed up for the running clinics, we achieved >160 pax attendees every session and slots were fully taken usually within the same day opened for registration. I can't do this without the longtime partner Karsten Korbel who has been a reliable buddy as pacers in the pacers and now running clinics together. I owe my gratitude to people who trusted me in delivering my job even when I don't believe in myself, and lastly, all the runners who supported the running clinics and followed me during the KLSCM, the journey was great and beautiful (and painful yes) because You were part of it. :D

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